I Crossed the Finish Line

So, the best part of finishing my first half-marathon on Sunday? That I crossed very soon after the marathon winner and had tons of people cheering for him, and by proxy, me. It was a gorgeous day and a gorgeous route. Made me think of high school and how much I enjoyed hanging out in downtown Raleigh and around Hillsborough Street. I can't believe that it's been eight years since I lived there- that is a crazy concept to me.

Best parts? I smiled almost the whole way, felt my body working with me instead of against me, and got to eat whatever I wanted leading up to the race. And Waffle House afterwards- not pancakes, but somewhat close.

Worst parts? The pain, oh the pain. I've decided to definitely put some focus back into yoga and see what comes of it. Oh, and the part where I thought we had been running all morning but were only at the six mile marker.

Mainly I'm just so happy I did it. I feel like it was one of the most cathartic things I have done in ages and it's what I needed physically and mentally this semester. No regrets- I'm smiling as I write this, because I feel so much better about my life.

There were all these realizations when I was running- since we weren't allowed to use headphones I had plenty of time- reemphasize- plenty of time- to think about what's happened in the last few months and see that I made some mistakes, and others did too, but the most important thing is that I'm going to be fine. Understanding that was a strange revelation.

You think that the human heart can only handle so much. I thought I would completely break, that I was as fragile as everyone thinks I am. I'm not- I'm not broken, I'm just building up to something bigger. So many of my friends waited for the "break", for me to scream and cry and throw things and then collapse. Instead, I spread that out over a period of weeks as well as training for this. Maybe that's why? Maybe the training helped keep my mind clear?

Whatever it was, it worked. When I wake up in the morning, I'm so happy to be in this place. I am working really hard right now, but I know that it will pay off in the long run. I know that at some point my life will be less crazy and I can focus on other things. I'm even writing again- while I missed the deadline for the State competition, I'm all over the WS one this year. I'm writing new stuff and editing old and thinking about where I want to go with my writing.

I'm also planning. Planning trips in the future, planning job hunts, planning places to live. I'm open in a way I haven't been since I was twenty. I don't know how I got so wrapped up in being perfect, but I'm done and I'm open and, most importantly, I'm ready.