J'Espere

Everyone does a wrap up blog. It's important, right? To kind of review where you've been going the last year, and figure out how to keep the readers (and yourself) happy. So this is my wrap up. Things we did in 2013: 1. Bought a house. 2. Did major renovations on said house. I promise the pictures are coming later this week. 3. HAD A BABY. The Johnson & Johnson ads aren't kidding- a baby changes everything. Which is why I can do my year end wrap up at 6 p.m. on New Year's Eve, because it's probably going to be just me and Carson Daly (and maybe Matt) tonight. 4. We moved. Massive undertaking. 5. Began to have fantasies in which I slept for 8 hours, got up, ate a hot breakfast at a table, then went to get my nails done. 6. Wondered how I got to exactly this place. What I went back to, and what I always go back to, are 3 New Year's Eves that were important to me. The first was New Year's Eve 2000. It was the first NYE I actually got invited to awe

Dairy free and holidays don’t go hand in hand. Actually a dairy free lifestyle is a fascinating creature to me. If you know me, you probably know that I’m lactose intolerant naturally- so I don’t eat ice cream, or drink milk, and try to keep cheese to a minimum (which is REALLY HARD BY THE WAY). So when someone suggested I go dairy free a couple of months into motherhood in the hopes that it would help SL’s reflux, I thought, Sure. I’ll quit eating yogurt for a while. So. Wrong. Dairy free is not the same as lactose intolerant at all. Dairy free is a complicated process that involves reading labels like it’s your job. Which is awesome since you have so much free time to analyze the differences between monocalcium sulfate and polycalcium sulfate. And it’s really awesome at a restaurant, when you have the opportunity to make a waiter scurry back and forth to the kitchen. Maybe that’s why I’ve only been out to eat once since SL was born. Sometimes it feels like my whole world is wrapped

Our tree is finally up. It was a debacle of sorts that started at Thanksgiving. On the way to Thanksgiving dinner we passed one of those lots that is essentially a strand of lights surround some fir trees. "We should get a Christmas tree." I commented. "We should get one geographically close to our house." was M's response. On the way home from Thanksgiving: "You know, Christmas is coming pretty soon. We should get a tree." "We should wait not get a tree from there." - M pointing at the same tree lot. In his defense it would have meant driving most of the way home with a tree across our car. Fast forward a week and there is still no tree in sight. "We should get one this weekend. We should all go out to the Farmer's Market as a family, maybe have breakfast...and pick out a tree." That was me living in my fantasy world. Saturday we had a wedding to go to, and SL was a hot mess most of the morning and it was freezing an

We celebrated our first Thanksgiving. I’m going to give you the same spill I give my students during this time of the year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Inevitably everyone wants to know why Christmas isn’t. It’s the gift thing. I love presents (if you are married to me and reading this I LOVE presents) but I really do love a holiday dedicated to the showing of gratitude, coming together of family, and dinner around a softly lit table with everyone sharing their thanks. That’s my fantasy world. In reality, it’s a very different thing. Reality was waking up Thanksgiving morning and realizing there was no way in hell we were getting anywhere close to my parents before noon. First feeding went well, but instead of organizing and packing the night before, I’m not sure what Matt and I did, but it probably involved watching Netflix way too late followed by me having to get up with sweet SL, followed by me begging Matt to hang out with her for just an extra 20 minutes while I show

Mothers Beget Mothers It’s a biological fact that we are designed to oppose our parents. Don’t believe me? I challenge you to meet up with an eighth grade girl and ask her how much her parents know. It’s not about the love, it’s about the brain. And the brain says, “No! Don’t let them be right!” Until you have a baby. I spent my middle and high school years scoffing at 98% of what my mother told me about everything. Then I spent college just not telling her about anything. After college I no longer needed advice (fortunately I knew everything) and went to NYC. Then I spent the majority of my twenties listening to her and doing what I wanted to anyway. Then I had a baby. The realization that your sole purpose in life is to keep another human alive is a daunting task. But keeping another human alive and content is much, much harder. Ask anyone with a newborn at 3 a.m. how they are faring. If they were like me, they were probably curled up on the couch watching a small being in a s

Getting ready in the morning is a delicate creature. It’s become this crazy balance. Leap out of bed on (a ridiculously low single digit number ) hours of sleep, brush teeth, wash face, check that clothes are laid out. Tiptoe downstairs, praying that baby stays asleep for just a little longer. Wolf down breakfast. Standing up. Back upstairs, finish getting ready, by this time if the baby isn’t awake, she will be soon. Maybe Matt will have time to take a shower first, but maybe not. Time management is a skill that we have very quickly had to hone. Because when she awakes, it’s a scramble to get her fed (which is left up to Matt), to get him out the door once the babysitter arrives. Exercise isn’t even an option, unless you count zipping around the room and up and down stairs. Our lives seem to be stuck at 75 mph. I can’t remember the last time I got to sit down and just eat breakfast, or just get dressed. . I no longer stand a chance of working out before school. But there are pe

When I was pregnant, people started talking to me about sleep. I heard lots of advice about sleeping as much as possible, sleeping when the baby sleeps, etc. And it wasn’t that I didn’t believe them, or that I didn’t think sleep was important. It was just that it was already getting hard. You have someone literally kicking you from the inside at 3:30 a.m. No. You are NOT sleeping. The advantage of it is that you know in advance what kind of baby you’re getting- they are divided into diurnal and nocturnal, and ours is the latter. When SL arrived, I heard more sleep advice. Really sound advice. Like, sleep when the baby sleeps. Again, awesome. Except our sweet baby isn’t a fan. She slept for the first 3 days (I remember idiotically telling my husband we would probably always have to wake her up to eat because she was such a sound sleeper. I remember even more idiotically waking her up.NEVER AGAIN.), and then she realized that if she was awake, there would always be someone av

So I just checked on the last blog post I wrote and- GASP!- it was over a month ago. I'm pulling the new mom card as I write this, and also want to point out that it is almost 3 on a Monday and I have yet to take a shower. It is one of those days. Baby Girl is not feeling well, which means I'm not feeling well either. Since if she doesn't sleep, nobody sleeps. But that's not what the focus of this post is. The focus of this post is a recap of all that I thought I would get done during maternity leave and to let y'all know how that went.... 1. Unpacking boxes: We moved when she was 1.5 weeks old. Enough said. Lesson learned- don't purchase a house shortly before your baby is born. Really. As I write this in our "office" (read: Junk Room, I can see around me roughly 15 boxes. The good news is they are getting unpacked, albeit slowly. Very, very slowly. And I almost daily groan/sigh and say "Why can't I find ----? Where is it?&q

When I last posted, I was 37 weeks pregnant, incredibly uncomfortable, and very warm. I questioned the validity of doing the pregnancy thing another whole 3 weeks, then rationalized that it was better since we would get to move and kind of get settled in before the baby got here. Um, WRONG. So. WRONG. That afternoon I felt "weird" (obviously I wasn't in labor- I had just gone to the doctor on Wednesday and they said everything looked great, see you next week.). So I went by the house, where one of the workers outright told me I should go put my feet up, then I went home, called Matt, and told him I was skipping my workout and just hanging out. He went to the house that night and started painting, but called me around 10, saying he was coming home. Also, he said he was exhausted (obviously neither of us knew how to define that word at the time) and he would work on painting the next night. WRONG. So. WRONG. So he came home, and walked in the door, and came to

Okay, so I have been super slack since school let out. And yet, so ridiculously busy! Turns out nesting is a real pregnant lady syndrome, and is NOT fun in your temporary apartment. When I was told that Baby Girl was in "go" position, I immediately thought, "She's coming while we're in this apartment", and went home and did two loads of laundry, folding up her tiny clothes and selecting the ever important going home outfit (for me, not her- she will look great in whatever she wears. Her mama, however...jury is out.). So the last two weeks have flown by and now, technically (by the skin of my teeth) we have reached full term together. I have asked her, every day since, to please hang in there for a couple more weeks, no matter how much I curse her feet in my rib cage. I have to say that 37 weeks pregnant is much different than even 35 weeks pregnant. I had not a clue how much more this girl could GROW, but she has. And now I'm awake much more, and I'

I can think of one summer I have missed family beach week. There might be two, but I can only think of one. I'm being serious. I didn't even miss beach week the summer I was born. My mom packed herself up along with 6 week old me, and hauled me to Holden, where I proceeded to spend the week in various people's arms on the front porch, even though there is one picture of a stroller or carseat covered in a sheet or something on the beach that supposedly contained me. We are serious Southern beach goers.I am always shocked when I meet people who did not go to the beach as a kid. It makes me wonder, "What did you do with your family vacation?" You may try to impress me with your trips to the Grand Canyon and Yosemite, but I'll take the sand between my toes and a giant hat over that any day. Which is why there was no reason to think that I wasn't going this year. Just a few short weeks ago, my MD gave me the travel clear and just suggested I stay hydra

This post is not about our house, just as a warning. You are about to delve into the mind of an educator who believes in public education, in the right to that education, and also believes that if you are able, you should be helping the needy. So I'm talking politics today. Just remember I'm not an expert, I just believe that everyone should get and deserves a good education. I dread Thursdays because I know I'll find out what happened in the Legislature on Wednesday, and no matter how hard I pray it seems that it always ends up being bad news overall. Like passing the initial vote on the motorcycle helmet law (I can't even write about it without getting angry), or deciding that Water quality in some parts of NC is too high a priority so we're going to pass a law to literally lower standards for drinking water. But I think the School Voucher Debate takes the cake. First, I'll touch on my understanding of the school voucher (please, correct me if I

The above photos are the befores. It was right after we bought the house, before demo began and when we believed this project was not only completely doable but totally going to be worth it. On my optimistic mornings I still believe that but currently I question the rationale, especially as the baby kicks me. I believe her athletic future is great. Anyway, back to the photos. What you have is the way the kitchen looked when we purchased. It's not the original kitchen- it was most likely redone in the 80s when some things were replaced in other parts of the house and then never touched again. But the concept fascinates me. Hopefully you can see that even the ceiling is wallpapered in blue gingham. The second photo is of the sunroom directly off the kitchen and dining room. Why, yes m'am, those ARE real Confederate bonds that are the backs of the shelves! Matt and I would be rolling in cash had the "Great Conflict" come to a different end. Of course if it had I h

When I opened my 32 week email, I had no idea what a jicama was (pronounced hi-ca-ma) but apparently it’s a large root vegetable, used primarily in Central America, and weighing an impressive 3.75 pounds. What this means is I have close to 4 pounds of baby, and about 16” in there. First reaction: Yay! She’s growing and healthy! Second reaction: Oh, No! Isn’t she supposed to at least double this over the next 7-8 weeks? We are in the single digits, people, and reality is setting in. We went through childbirth education classes over the past two weeks and determined that they let you out of the hospital with next to nothing. But Sweden has a recovery center where you can go for up to 3 weeks after the child is born to do just that, and learn about taking care of your baby under the watchful guidance of nurses and consultants. They will also cook your meals and do laundry for you. What’s up, United States- why aren’t you on top of this? When I went to the doctor this week, the reality b

We were in the house, admiring the sheetrocking and the framing of walls to come. I was comfortably in a camping chair in the living room while Matt wandered around, testing things, looking at things, trying to figure out how we were ever going to get ourselves to a point where we move in to this beast. “The water’s back on!” came an excited shout from the upstairs bath along with the sound of running water. “Yay!” I responded, studying paint colors (who knew there could possibly be so many shades of white?) “That’s so exciting!” “What the….?” Was the next statement to come from upstairs, followed by things that I’m not posting on the internet. “What’s going on?” I called. “They didn’t reattach the drain under here!” So all the water was just going into the vanity. This after we were just discussing ways to salvage the upstairs vanity and make it at least sort of decent while waiting for our lotto money to come in. One step forward…how many steps back? When pulling down

We are in the home stretch, officially. No turning back now. Last night Matt and I went to our first childbirth education class. They are offered by this nurse in her home, and 6 couples come in per session. It’s amazing to me that you meet these complete strangers, then you realize that you are going to be sharing the intimate, frightening details of childbirth with them. The plus side is the expectation that your partner will practice giving you back massages, which I am definitely a fan of. There is definitely a point where you realize that the baby is coming, whether or not you’re prepared for it. I was really fascinated by what I heard the other parents say they were worried about or thought they needed or anything. Or, actually, what I didn’t hear them say. For instance, I’m pretty sure that when our instructor asked if we had fears and concerns I was the only one who raised my hand. Which means, they are either lying or in denial. I mean, you’re getting ready to give birth t

At just over 2.5 pounds, the baby is all over the place internally. What I’ve noticed that’s strangest to me is that all the eating I was doing a couple of weeks ago has essentially ceased. There are times when I feel like I should be hungry, but also feel like nothing will fit into my stomach. I had 2 thoughts about this: 1. The Baby is pushing up on it? Is that possible? 2. Is this how people feel after gastric by-pass? They want to eat but it won’t fit? There are so many people in our lives giving us advice, and for the most part it’s really great. The part I’m not understanding is when they say “Rest while you can! Change is coming!” Because I feel like our lives (or at least mine) has already completely changed. For instance: I have a weird back twinge going on. It’s on my right side. In case you’re wondering, this is completely normal (as is everything else, right?). On my left side, my hip is usually killing me. So at night, I try to balance by sleeping some on my

Real Conversation Friday Night: Me: "That's weird. My foot feels numb." Walk around some waiting for the feeling to come back. Matt: Hmmm. Me: What does that mean? Matt: Nothing. Me: Your face doesn't say nothing. What's going on down there? (sometimes I think he forgets that I can no longer readily see my feet) Matt: Your foot looks, I don't know, different than the other one. It was different. Completely different than the other one. My first experience with swelling. I put my feet up and watched in amazement as, in fact, my left foot was completely different than my right. Up until this point, I actually thought (hold the laughter back) that I wasn't going to swell. I figured it might be all the water I was drinking, but I was going to be one of those pregnant women who didn't get swollen feet. Go ahead, you can laugh now. I also vaguely remember my friends complaining about swelling and thinking that it was kind of

I promise I was going to totally make this about the kitchen, but amazingly I couldn't find any of the 1000 photos I took of the kitchen, so here it is- the Master Bath. When we came into the tiny space (5x4', perhaps? Or is that an exaggeration?) we had never seen a shower like that before. Very cool in kind of a retro-y way- we're actually hanging on to it for the distant future, if we decide to add another bathroom. But definitely not a master bathroom ala the ones I had seen in Traditional Home, Elle Decor, or even North Raleigh. Thus it has become a huge project. The laughable part is that I thought it would be easy. Not easy, exactly, but I fantasized walking into places picking out the perfect tile, wall coverings, tub, sinks, mirrors, hardware. Do you see what happened? Somewhere in that transition it occurred to me that picking out that stuff is time consuming and hard. Everytime I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, I changed my mind. Most of your time is spen

I was originally going to post something huge about what's been happening with the house, but then yesterday happened, and suddenly the house seems much less important for the moment. If I'm feeling super ambitious however, I will put up a bonus post tonight. The Boston Marathon is THE marathon. I think the only possible way to beat it would be with the original marathon from Athens to Crete. If you're not running down dusty Roman roads, however, run Boston. Every runner has it on their bucket list (even me, with no intention of doing it before I'm about 80- have you seen the qualifying times??). Always the 3rd Monday in April (Patriots Day), usually pretty and cool, thousands gather to run around the city of Boston, receive their jacket, and then go home to say "I ran Boston." It's a very important marker in a runner's life. What I love about races is the feeling you have when you get there. I remember the first race Matt came with me