The Procrastination that Leads to Insight (older blog)
Yesterday I met with my advisor and found out that I'm really on my way to graduating in May. While I am ecstatic that I will get through my master's paper and enjoy having a lovely piece of paper to hang on my wall, I'm also a little sad. Last night I was out with some friends from out of town and we were talking about how much this program changed us. Yeah, there is the school part of it, but we were referring to the better part of it- meaning the "I've met so many great friends" stuff.
It's true. I don't know what I would have done had I been in another program or not met the people that I've been lucky enough to hang out with during my time here. Making the choice to move back to NC was really tough- as y'all know, I adore everything about NYC from the Rockefeller Christmas Tree to that crazy homeless girl who lived down the street from me but always did her make-up in Sephora in the morning. Leaving behind everything that I had built there wasn't easy, but I'm so glad I did. I'm finally feeling really good about choices I'm making and know that I'm making them for the right reasons.
One of my friends is preparing to move to New York, and I think I've given him a completely biased view of it. He was really worried about what was going to happen once he was up there, and I told him it was all about just doing it. Taking hte leap and accepting the consequences. I'll never forget my dad driving me to the airport that last time before I moved. We had this amazing conversation about choices, about how proud he was of me, about how he knew that whatever I did would be fine because he trusted me. Not to get all sentimental, but my dad rarely has those conversations with me, so I was pretty pumped.
Last week we had another conversation, just about where I was now. He was cracking up about me receiving "Football MVP" of the year considering I could barely catch a football when I was peer pressured into signing up for intramurals. We were talking about all the changes I'd been through in the last year, and how glad I was to be where I am now. A lot of times (if I'm allowed to wake up on my own and not with the voices of Morning Edition) I actually wake up smiling and excited because I have faith in the system.
What system? I don't have a clue. But I believe in instinct and I believe in listening and I believe in throwing yourself into something and if that doesn't work, throwing yourself into something else. Hopefully that's enough to take me through. It's also getting close to the end of the year and I'm starting to think about what I would love for 2009. So I'm working on my New Year's Resolutions early (as opposed to my last final). I'll post drafts of them, and then the final version as it comes to me. Here's the first draft (in no particular order) of what I would want, in my own Katherinesque version of the world:
1) To be published (and yes, y'all, I might be working on it :-))
2) True love (isn't this always on my list? If not, it should be)
3) Graduation
4) Going somewhere- I'm getting the craving for a non-English adventure and/or cathedrals, and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. This week I renewed my passport, so I'm ready. Plus I'm really missing Cat. And baguettes.
5) Doing an international-distance Triathlon
6) Learning something completely new
7) Heading back to the barn: for the last couple of years I've barely ridden since I've been busy doing other stuff, but I miss the feeling of flying across a field and trusting such an amazing creature with yourself
8) Spending a lot of time floating around the lake, or the ocean, or someone's pool. Promise. If not floating, then kayaking or skiing diving or looking for catfish as big as men.
9) Trusting myself as much as I trust others.
10) Spending more time in bed (did I mention I love my bed? It's super comfortable, and I love it) Maybe I'll just start hanging out there.
Sure, there are other things. World peace is always at the top of the list, along with seeing great shows and eating good food and laughing a lot. But those are just the first..... I've decided to limit myself to ten, so we'll see how they evolve over the next few weeks. And how I procrastinate.
It's true. I don't know what I would have done had I been in another program or not met the people that I've been lucky enough to hang out with during my time here. Making the choice to move back to NC was really tough- as y'all know, I adore everything about NYC from the Rockefeller Christmas Tree to that crazy homeless girl who lived down the street from me but always did her make-up in Sephora in the morning. Leaving behind everything that I had built there wasn't easy, but I'm so glad I did. I'm finally feeling really good about choices I'm making and know that I'm making them for the right reasons.
One of my friends is preparing to move to New York, and I think I've given him a completely biased view of it. He was really worried about what was going to happen once he was up there, and I told him it was all about just doing it. Taking hte leap and accepting the consequences. I'll never forget my dad driving me to the airport that last time before I moved. We had this amazing conversation about choices, about how proud he was of me, about how he knew that whatever I did would be fine because he trusted me. Not to get all sentimental, but my dad rarely has those conversations with me, so I was pretty pumped.
Last week we had another conversation, just about where I was now. He was cracking up about me receiving "Football MVP" of the year considering I could barely catch a football when I was peer pressured into signing up for intramurals. We were talking about all the changes I'd been through in the last year, and how glad I was to be where I am now. A lot of times (if I'm allowed to wake up on my own and not with the voices of Morning Edition) I actually wake up smiling and excited because I have faith in the system.
What system? I don't have a clue. But I believe in instinct and I believe in listening and I believe in throwing yourself into something and if that doesn't work, throwing yourself into something else. Hopefully that's enough to take me through. It's also getting close to the end of the year and I'm starting to think about what I would love for 2009. So I'm working on my New Year's Resolutions early (as opposed to my last final). I'll post drafts of them, and then the final version as it comes to me. Here's the first draft (in no particular order) of what I would want, in my own Katherinesque version of the world:
1) To be published (and yes, y'all, I might be working on it :-))
2) True love (isn't this always on my list? If not, it should be)
3) Graduation
4) Going somewhere- I'm getting the craving for a non-English adventure and/or cathedrals, and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. This week I renewed my passport, so I'm ready. Plus I'm really missing Cat. And baguettes.
5) Doing an international-distance Triathlon
6) Learning something completely new
7) Heading back to the barn: for the last couple of years I've barely ridden since I've been busy doing other stuff, but I miss the feeling of flying across a field and trusting such an amazing creature with yourself
8) Spending a lot of time floating around the lake, or the ocean, or someone's pool. Promise. If not floating, then kayaking or skiing diving or looking for catfish as big as men.
9) Trusting myself as much as I trust others.
10) Spending more time in bed (did I mention I love my bed? It's super comfortable, and I love it) Maybe I'll just start hanging out there.
Sure, there are other things. World peace is always at the top of the list, along with seeing great shows and eating good food and laughing a lot. But those are just the first..... I've decided to limit myself to ten, so we'll see how they evolve over the next few weeks. And how I procrastinate.
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