Working Mothers Part...Something
Today,
as I was rushing around getting ready this morning, M. told me to look over at the baby, who was
happily entertaining herself before her morning bottle. I did and saw her
reading. A book. That’s right. The librarian’s baby was reading herself a book.
Everyone thinks their baby is an advanced genius who might save the world or
become the next great humanitarian, and I am one of them. I thought since I was
in education I could be somewhat more objective but it turns out I can’t be.
She’s brilliant. I watched in awe as she lifted the book to examine an
illustration and then…tried to eat it. Mouth working over time wondering why
that orange fish wasn’t fitting into her mouth. A reminder that she is still just a little
one.
Mornings
are the hardest part of our day, and the sweetest. Sweetest because SL is
usually in a good mood, laughing and smiling and cooing up a storm. Hardest because I’m running around like crazy
pulling together everything so I can leave her for the whole day.
Heart-wrenching doesn’t begin to explain how hard it is to get me out the door
and in my car and on my way to teach other people’s children. Because now I’m a
working mom, too, part of a statistic in the United States that has grown
exponetiatlly since WWII.
Interestingly,
my grandmother was a working mother. The older I get the more I realize how
amazing she was. We were really close
and I’ll always treasure that relationship but on her own she was incredible.
When I run into people who knew her now they’ll usually mention something about
how great she was. And at her funeral it was nothing but kind words and stories
that told how unique she was, and what a special part of her town she was. My
mother grew up in a tiny Northeastern North Carolina town, and my grandmother lived
there until she was in her late 80s and it was time to move to assisted living.
She was trained as a nurse, as so many women were before and during
WWII. What makes her unique is that she continued working as a nurse long after. Through 4 children and raising a family. I can remember her
taking my blood pressure, and listening to her heartbeat through her
stethoscope. I wanted to be a doctor for
years and years and she encouraged that. She believed in the ability to be a
working mom, to have it all. Even after having four children she continued to help deliver many
more in the hospital she worked in. One thing I heard over and over when people
talked about her was that they always remembered her running down the halls of
the hospital- so eager to help the next patient coming in. But she always had plenty of time for her
family. Once a woman I met said, “You know your grandmother was the original
working mother, right?” It was uncommon at that point for
most women to work outside the home once they married, much less had children.
In a 1950s small town, it was almost unheard of. But she was never disrespected
for it. It seems to me to be the opposite.
Now,
as I go to work Monday through Friday, I try to find strength in my reasons for
being a working mother. Because most of us don’t have to do it. We could make
other changes. Move to a smaller house,
cut back on material possessions, there are other things. But Ithink the best
change that could happen is not a family change, but a United States change.
Until your country supports maternity leave, you spend a lot of time feeling
like you aren’t contributing. For some reason I can’t quite figure out, the
United States is not very supportive of families. It’s interesting because there seems to be a
massive pro-life movement happening, but there is never much talk of what
happens after a baby is born, and there is a lot of talk against helping
support families. Women are given 6 federally mandated weeks after childbirth,
but those don’t have to be paid, and the job doesn’t have to be held for any
length of time. We are the only
developed country in the world that doesn’t offer some sort of paid maternity
leave, or at least time. I noticed that most developed countries offer 25-50%
salary but more importantly they offer time. Sometimes as much as a year or
eighteen months.
I was reading this the other
day (biased, I know, but interesting) :
and I had the thought: Why doesn’t the US look into this ? What’s
stopping us from trying to improve our families. To improve parent child
relationships, support women who decide to have children mid-career by
providing somewhere for them to return to, by giving them enough time that they
had recovered from the physical and emotional stresses of having a baby, and following up with a little extra support for a
while once they returned. Because, let’s face it, having a baby changes everything
(thanks for harping on this, Johnson & Johnson). I wonder if it might,
instead of being a waste of resources,
produce a better employee. One who isn’t so worried, one who isn’t so tired all
the time (remember those nights in your early 20s when you would party until 4
and still make it into work? Yeah, think of doing that every single night except you are much, much older. And you don’t even have any really great
stories to tell about it.) and one who isn’t torn about where to be. It might be an experiment to consider.
I like to think I’m making my
grandmother proud by going back to work, by somehow making it through each day
a little sleep deprived but mostly happy. I like to think that I am setting an example
for my daughter, that if she chooses motherhood and a career, she can do both-
maybe not perfectly all the time, but pretty well most of the time. I like to
think I’m choosing to put my education to work, and I know I am not quite ready
to put that on the back burner, not yet. I love
my job and the kids I work with and the people I work with. But I also
have to admit that I LOVE Friday afternoons, going home and knowing that the
next 48 are all about a baby who may or
may not sleep. I’ll try to think of it as an amazing party when we’re up at 3
a.m.
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