My Friend Has Died.
My
friend died. Those are words I struggle to say. I haven’t lost a friend in a
long time, and when I found out on Thursday night what happened, the words
stuck in my throat. When I checked my email and saw there was one from a
sorority sister I hadn’t heard from in a long time, titled, “Prayers for the
Sanford family…” I wasn’t expecting to read that Courtney had died that
morning. And at first, it just didn’t make sense. A FB post from her had popped
up in my feed that day. “The happy song makes me HAPPY.” It was posted one
minute before she crossed the I-85 Business median and collided head on with a
truck. The wreck blocked half of the highway for 3 hours. I saw the wreckage. I
went online and looked at the photographs even though they say you shouldn’t do
that. And she wasn’t in any of them. So, see, no one was driving the car
therefore she wasn’t dead. I raced downstairs to show my husband, and say,
“Could someone have survived that?” while he shook his head and said, “Why are
you looking at those?”
Because
I can’t not look. I am a person of statistics. I am a person who relies on
evidence when terrible things happen to those I love. But for some reason even
seeing it did not help any. A car, literally torn apart on the side of a
highway. It was a few minutes later I
made the connection between her wreck and what she was doing right before. The
Facebook post that was posted at around 8:30, and the wreck that happened at
8:34. She was driving while on Facebook. When this floated out into the world of social
media and the interwebs, criticism flew all over the place. And at first I was
one of them. What was she thinking? Why
on earth would she be Facebooking while driving? But then it hit me. I am just as guilty as
she is.
Not of
facebooking, because it never occurred to me to ever do something involving
social media while driving, but definitely of using my phone for other things.
How many times have I just not felt like pulling over to type an address into
maps, or heard the insistent ping of a text coming in and glanced at my phone
to see who it was from? How many times have I loaded my email while sitting at
a light? And how many others are doing that exact same thing right now?
Truthfully,
it doesn’t matter which program we are on or what we are doing with our phones
while we are driving. Because we are driving and that is where our focus should
be. So why isn’t it? Why do we consider
ourselves to be above something as simple as waiting until we’re in a safe
place before texting or calling or posting a status on Facebook? It’s obviously a generational problem but
it’s one that ironically is getting worse instead of better. There are plenty
of cases in which people have died as the result of using the phone while
driving. States have banned phones. But for some reason when it comes down to
it, we all seem to believe that we are above it. That we are special and will use the phone so
much better than the person down the road. That we can do it and make it. And
truthfully more often than not we probably will. But texting and facebooking
and checking email while driving will eventually end in tragedy. I’m thinking now that even talking on the
phone while driving will end in tragedy.
It also
reminded me of the most formative part of my college experience. When I pledged
ADPi I had no idea that it truly would be for life. Some of my best friends
have come from the “sorority years” and every time I see an ADPi sticker, I
smile and remember so many good times. There were times at formals and mixers,
but the best times were had on the hall, being ridiculous, staying up way too
late, analyzing phone conversations and complaining about how exams were
getting in the way of our time together. We traveled together, we worked out
together, we ate together, we laughed together, we cried together. I am grateful to have those memories to lean
on and I am grateful to remember Courtney as the MOST fun. Sororities are so much more than the naked
pillow fights that guys dream of.
Maybe
we’re just lucky every time we pick up the phone to do anything while we are in
charge of a large chunk of metal and don’t wreck it. One of the tenets of
Buddhism is doing things deliberately. Which would mean when we are driving we
are driving. I just keep playing the
facts over and over in my mind. That she woke up that morning, went to the gym
as usual, got in the car, probably hit Starbucks, most likely was thinking
about upcoming exams as she turned on the radio and then heard something that
made her feel better. I’m a “car dancer” so I’m all about a song that will help
alleviate the stress of what is to come during the day. And then, for whatever
reason she couldn’t wait to express her feelings through Facebook. Which is
where we would have split. I would have made a different choice. And this is what has altered all of our lives. A star has been born, and the world has lost a sweet spirit.
Today,
as I finish writing this post, her service is only a few hours away. I am unable
to go, but know that so many of my sisters will be there, and I know that we
are all there in spirit. My pin is on in honor of her, and my heart sings “Meadows”.
We Live For Each Other.
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