Week 30: I am a Head of Cabbage

We are in the home stretch, officially. No turning back now. Last night Matt and I went to our first childbirth education class. They are offered by this nurse in her home, and 6 couples come in per session. It’s amazing to me that you meet these complete strangers, then you realize that you are going to be sharing the intimate, frightening details of childbirth with them. The plus side is the expectation that your partner will practice giving you back massages, which I am definitely a fan of. There is definitely a point where you realize that the baby is coming, whether or not you’re prepared for it. I was really fascinated by what I heard the other parents say they were worried about or thought they needed or anything. Or, actually, what I didn’t hear them say. For instance, I’m pretty sure that when our instructor asked if we had fears and concerns I was the only one who raised my hand. Which means, they are either lying or in denial. I mean, you’re getting ready to give birth to a HUMAN, PERSON, unable to communicate except through tears and very tiny, and you have NO CONCERNS WHATSOEVER? Are you insane? Did you know the only thing that you really have to have in order to leave the hospital is a car seat and a name on the birth certificate? Seriously. When we went to go visit my friend Jess in the hospital recently after giving birth, we were coming out and there was this man standing in the parking lot. He looked forlorn, and lost and was just standing there kind of desperately staring around him. When he saw us, he said, “Can you help me?” Of course, we walked over to his car, which had a door open. We looked inside and there was a car seat. His hands dangled uselessly by his sides. “Do you know how to put this in?” He asked, looking at us, exhausted and hopeful. Like any good American, we looked in the seat, turned our heads this way and that, and then said, “No.” I suggested he head back inside and let the person at the front desk know that he couldn’t get the carseat to work. When he looked distressed again, I told him that there was no way they were letting him leave the hospital until it was in correctly. “Really?” His face lit up. “Really.” And we walked away, me with the realization that this poor new father had been standing out in the parking lot for who knows how long waiting for someone to come by while his wife was probably wondering where the hell he was, and Matt with the realization that we were going to have to purchase and install one of those. I didn’t think about it again until yesterday, when I was watching my belly jump around during Round 2 of childbirth classes, as she explained the horrible things that can happen during labor and delivery (but of course will not happen to us, since we will be so prepared and educated). Obviously this isn’t the part that people talk about. Because if they did, the human race would not be as large as it is. But it’s also the realization that we are having a human being, and pretty soon it’s going to be Matt in the hospital parking lot, trying to figure out if the car seat is properly latching. That being said- I think being pregnant is amazing! I know everyone says it, but they say it because it’s true. It really is being a part of the biggest science experiment of all. I’m just wondering why they can’t update the childbirth videos….or at least photoshop in some better hair? Now that would be a distraction/focal point during delivery.